7th month and 9th day of us being together. 2nd of december....

time has passed very fast but sometimes its as slow as snail.... but I wont forget the 1st time we had met. I thought you were a perfect person. the person i always wanted... but the 3rd day I started to know the so called "darkness" of you always said you were about. Then 1 to 2 weeks time. I know about your family and religion. I thought it was ok because I still loved you more than myself. I know if I haven't met you in the 1st placed, I probably would had end up my life. I know I owe my life to you.

It was 7 month and 8th days passed, I had went to your placed to stayed, but you never come to mine for once but only in my town less than 1 day. I thought all these was ok too. as I keep lying to myself... Its alright.... and you always said "be patient". But this day... You told me the same thing again... the "darkness" you mentioned twice and to me... I think I won't know how it's like... because I wasn't you... yes, you are right. I don't even know you because I am not you!

On my point of view, I can only see that you are a negative thinker, as being a negative thinker as I am can also felt that you have negative thinking more than me means that you are really locked up inside you. both of us are the age of 20. but as I think that you are just naive by making this "darkness" up. you wouldn't want to change at all. you always say that there are other side of you but this was a lie. a lie that can cheat your own feelings. You were just lazy to even think of other things but only negative and selfishness of your own. You think that everything had been better than you. you didn't think that the cup is half full but the cup is half empty and even worse. you thought that the half empty cup is worth not even 1 drop to spare for you. you didn't accept people's opinion. you didn't give it a try. and you always want me how to think and even make me feel bad that I am the one that is wrong here. but didn't you think about my point of view? didn't you see what is happening in my life?

I'll tell you about mine and you always said that you were worst. what does it mean? you just want to claim that whatever I said I wont change how you think and feel. Now let me tell you how I feel, I felt that you are selfish, pessimist and always looked down to your own. to be honest, you actually need a psychiatrist, or someone that can make you think the other way.

the other thing I was very angry about is religion. you hate other religion besides your own and that is a very very wrong doing. Yes, I do hate, but I only hate one. but i won't hate others because religion suppose to teach people good. so what about your's? Is your religion helping you to become a better person? I guess not. you always think that mine is like a very bad thing. but what about yours?

last, is about your own family. The biggest offence is your mom. I know i should respect elders but the biggest offence and very very naively thinking was her. just because she thought that she is right, it doesn't mean that she is right. but you always followed what she said and didn't think is it really right or wrong.

If I want to say, there are much more to say... I can even write a book about it. but I was just waiting... waiting for you to give up. because I won't give up. and I know I will regret if i give up on you. I can wipe off all the negative things from you because I loved you too much. much more than myself. that means the last thing I hope was that you and me can change... change to have a better living. (because I know I am not a good person at all)

love is a training process of tolerance....

May God Bless you and your family....

I hope you may know Him.....

If life can be better...

life has never been good for me.......

From the day I born till now, i faced many challenges, sorrowful, heart breaking, depressed, challenging even when i reached my breaking point. I almost killed myself about 3 times when i was 19 or 20 but whats holding me back is the love ones around me. but something that bothering me now is the wrong choice i have chose. but just that I don't want to tell anyone about the choices i chose wrongly doesn't mean that I am OK with it. Even when sometimes I really wished i wasn't born in this family. Now theres other than just one family that i doesn't want to be in it. The family members haven't cared the other part of me, they always scold me stupid and need me to help them almost everything. They really treat me bad even there were three person that I really hate but things have to be this way... I can't change the facts but to face it now. Only thing I can do is to gave up the other part of me and these three person will long gone forever. I just wished the three of them never been exist at all in this world. It's only been three months and I can't resist it any longer, I just want a new life not this three months old life, not the one i'm having. I just wished I live in a fantasy world of my own. No worries, No sorrows. But I still remember the worst time I had for my life is when I was 8 till 12. it was the most depressing ever time i had. another one is the 2 months i had in my 18. and now.... the 1st month of my new life is awesome, 2nd is sweet but 3rd month is bitter when i get to know the new family I had.... Life really sucks... but I always need to stay strong because I know one day this three person will be gone forever and my new life will be free forever.

Still Learning

Yes, I'm starting to learn to use Blogger. but I have lots of other websites such as Facebook, deviantART, YouTube, Twitter, and so much more. Today's date is 26th of Sep, 2009. I'm making this blog because I want to complete my insanity to Pokemons just like all others of my websites. Although. I'm old for children stuff, but at least I can add some of my interest into the things i'm learning. In the future, I hope to form websites to sell my products. I think that a new generation with awesome technologies with humans being too busy. They can just shop at home without going to super markets or shops to find what they need. I have lots of ideas but is confusing what to begin with. Anyway, enough of my explanations and I'm going to begin my journey again.